I want to tell you about a dreadful problem that is troubling more and more people in our modern world. I also want your help in dealing with this problem.
Please do not stop reading just because I ask for your help. As the world becomes more difficult and crowded we must all be prepared to help each other.
The problem I want to tell you about is DSS or Doorway Stopping Syndrome. This terrible affliction is affecting more people every day. It can strike seemingly normal human beings without warning. They can be aware of their surroundings, even talking with friends, but when they pass through a doorway, it strikes. A moment later they stand, immediately in front of the doorway, oblivious to everything going on around them, especially those trying to pass through the same door.
Sufferers can be seen outside any major entry or exit - slack-jawed, unaware of the world around them, unconscious to the rest of humanity, in whose way they stand.
There are many variations that are believed to be associated with DSS. Some are given below.
The most obvious is RDSS or Revolving Doorway Stopping Syndrome. Some researchers claim this is not a true variation as the sufferer has no idea of the type of door they have just used and many individuals are believed to experience both forms.
Many experts are convinced that PPPD, Pinch Point Personality Disorder, where individuals slow down whenever the available space reduces, such as on narrowing pavements or at road crossings is not a genuine variation of DSS.
Technology is also implicated in this problem. EAA or Escalator Arrest Ailment is characterised by people, who on reaching the top of an escalator, especially if it is crowded, freeze motionless – unaffected by those arriving behind them. This seems to be most common amongst individuals with wheeled baggage. Opinion is divided as to whether or not it is the wheels that make them think that the bags are motorised and will carry them on their way.
DSS is unusual in that it has a number of variations where the symptoms shown are the exact opposite of the original. EAA has its opposite in the extreme sport of EE, escalator eating; where individuals hurl themselves down escalators and attempt to eat the step on which their face lands.
There is at least one recognised form of DSS associated with driving, commonly known as RABbiT or Round-A-Bout Terror. Affected drivers approach roundabouts as if they were going to drive round them properly. Unfortunately they grind to a halt as they reach the roundabout and become unable to move until someone else has been round the roundabout before them. Three unfortunates at a mini-roundabout is a recipe for grid-lock.
RABbiT also has its opposite in a recently discovered disorder known as LLC or Landrover Lunacy Condition. Victims pack their vehicles with people who trust them – this problem does not last long – and then drive around country rounds at high speeds whilst the windscreen is totally obscured almost all of the time.
If you would like to become a member of SSDDSS (Scorton Society for Decreasing Doorway Stopping Syndrome) or of SSSSDSSS (Scorton Support Society for the Siblings of Doorway Stopping Syndrome Sufferers) please get in touch.